My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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