I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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