we're chasing vodka with high fives
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
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I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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