At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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