she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
