the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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