just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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