You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize