suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
