3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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