I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
