So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
