You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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