One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
