I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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