Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
