hotel room ftw
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
