How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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