what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
