My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
