They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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