Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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