AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
