I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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