i don't like sucking hair
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
