So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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