not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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