you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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