he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
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I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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