nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
