Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
