I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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