I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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