Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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