I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize