I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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