he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
