I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
why is half of my head shaved?
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