My room smells like vodka and shame
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
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