In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
