Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
