okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
