mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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