I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.