dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Congratulations! We have a period
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