I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?