and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?