you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
