You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
