Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
