im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
