Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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