I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
