Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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