dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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