I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
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