Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
