I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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