before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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