me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
